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There are so few things that could potentially ruin a day at the beach. A flock of seagulls stalking you for food, a group of people talking (or shall we say ‘screaming’) over their loud boom boxes and incessant winds enabling sands to line every inch of you are our chart toppers. However, this weekend at Jacob Riis Park in the Rockaways, I discovered a new one: the speedo.

I know, I know, men have been wearing these for years. But somehow, I always seem to purge the image from my mind. It is a very ‘Euro’ thing to do, but come on, we are not in Europe, we’re in Queens! And yes, NYC is a huge melting pot, but it still does not justify subjecting people to a full frontal of your package (shrinkage included). Also, this isn’t a porn set, this is a public beach. For details see Vom.com/notevenyourpartnerwantstoseeitthatcloseup.

An example of what not to wear:

This man was terrible.And he must have gotten up and down 723 times in the 4 hours we were there.The best part? He was also sporting a fanny pak(sorry but the larger image shows more emphases).

In conclusion, unless you’re competitively training for the 2012 Summer Olympics or are yachting on the French Riviera, fellas, abandon ship on this fashion nogo.

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